Wrapped up in the shell Of himself, he stares Out the broken window Pain, observing all the People as they walk on by. Each and every one of them Too afraid to give him much More than a fleating glimpse.
For he was an undersireable, In mitigating circumstances out of Reach of himself. And any who Would dare to hear of his story. A hellion, solicitor, Murderer. Atheistic lover of the god in himself Daring to go against the laws Of tradition. Customs and societal sense.
With a broken body, with eyes That are alive burning fervent With a desire to live the life, Which they've stolen from him They; naysayers, pharisees, Hyprocrites. Who'd rather shoot The one that flew much too High above the rest, and watch him fall Sinking to the earth in despair
Than to have him above their heads. Reminding them that he had more, Of something they couldn't tell. Just that he had more than them.
It's clearly "made in one piece", I love the flow and the grading. The vision is clear and precise, so I'm giving you 5/5. The originality and technique, however, are less impressive - I know there's such a thing as "prosetry", and I believe this is one good exampple of it. Still, I find the verse endings rather random - so 3.5/5 for originality and technique. As for the impact, this unfortunately has a long line of "revolt poetry" behind it and the motif of the special person whom everybody hates has been around since Icarus. I like the strong words and use of epithets, which is going to take this work far. So 4/5 for impact.
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