literature

Child of You

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BellaNellaMorte's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Child of light
Child dark inside
Child so innocent
Child most kind
Child who watches
Child who's waiting
Child always forgotten
Child that loved
Child knows hatred
Child most willing
Child too uncouth
Child outward, inward
Child moreover crude
Child most suffered
Child so silent
Child stifled cry
Years went by
Resided in light
Acknowledged only darkness
Perceive all guiltless
Constantly ever kind
One who watches
Still patiently waiting
Who now wishes to stay hidden
Some with love
Others embraced hatred
A heart willing
One too uncouth
Still inward, outward
Always so crude
Still knows suffering
Living quiet life
Cries eternally unheard
Years gone by
The cycle turns
Which child
Were you
Our experience as children often determines who we'll become as an adult


- please comment if you can, i do appreciate constructive criticism-

'Child forgotten;
Who now wishes to remain hidden' - lines by "The Withness"
Comments32
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melly4260's avatar
funny-I was lookin' at you cuz u won/shared the win in Doctrinaire's contest...I wrote a poem over 18 yrs ago that had a similar flow as the beginning of this one...I wrote it for my daughter & have since lost it-but I remember the first lines...nice to see this little reminder...
QuestingPoet is right about the flow-and his suggestion is a good one-a lot of the critique on here helps-I've benefited from it myself-(and I'm OLD!!)
I myself would have intermingled line-by-line in a kind of comparison of the "child types" but- that's just me!!! I actually understand what you were doing here-and I think that if you keep working at it you might figure a way to differentiate between the two without losing the "flow"...tho I don't always think "flow" matters as much as getting your meaning out there either...((are you confused yet??)) LOL...have a lovely day!!...:tmnt4: